I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize