oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
