There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize