If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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