I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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