Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
