Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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