I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
