Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
