tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
