Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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