don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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