Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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