shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize