Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
