He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
