Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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