my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
