My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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