im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
