I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i already hear my dad disowning me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
