i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
