I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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