I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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