I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
