im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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