He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
