So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
