I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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