Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My breasts were aching with rage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
