I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
