Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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