woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
