Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
