I faked an abortion last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
