Can i not drive my cunt home
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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