call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
