i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He shit in the fireplace
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
