i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
