my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
