We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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