You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
