Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
