You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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