Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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