Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
