3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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