you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i will never coherently bang her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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