Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
