Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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