Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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