Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
