I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize