I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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