We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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