It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
