Just mADE A PArabola og urine
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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