some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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