first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
