Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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