Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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