just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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