my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
