It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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