Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
