I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
