He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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