I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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