I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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