I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When did angry sex become our thing?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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