she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
