My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
