He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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